Advice needed Vol Blood is thicker then water? in a pickle

20,031
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Joined Apr 15, 2007
I will try to keep this short.

I live in my childhood house with my sister In MD. (no pics sorry)
My mom moved to Florida about a year ago and got remarried.

Fast forward to yesterday. I get a notice in the mail from Wells Fargo saying our mortgage is going into default and we have 45 days to get out. (well it said we "could" be kicked out in 45 days but apparently they let you live there for about a year before you really get pressured).

I call my mom. I have managed all the bills for the house while she was gone except the Mortgage. I tried but since i did not sign the loan i couldn't. I would transfer money to my mom to pay the mortgage. Obviously it turns out she has been taking all of my money and not using it for the mortgage.

She now is not returning or answering my calls. I have looked into moving out and am looking at some places in Baltimore this weekend. I live 65 miles from my job so i told my mom when she left i would stay in the house and pay everything for a year or two until she figured out if the marriage thing was what she really wanted. So now i want to move closer to my work and into the city. I am a 25 year old single man. I would like to get out of the suburbs (bel air md)

So my question really is do i just move out of the house and tell my mom sorry? I have really no family left. My mom raise us as a single mother. Her family lives in Philly but we have never been close. I know if i move out im basically cutting my mom off. She will tell the family its all my fault and that will be it. So i hesitate to say "eff you mom you stole over 8k from me im out".

What would you do NT. Stay try to pay off the 8 missed payments ($9,000) just to be nice to my mom. Or alienate myself completely and basically start my Solo Dolo life.
 
4,707
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Joined Sep 4, 2006
I can't believe someone's mother would consider stealing from their own child. If you do go solo, does your sister have a place to stay?
 
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Joined Jul 28, 2009
Damn fam thats a tough one. But at the end of the day youre a grown man (evidenced by taking responsibility for the crib) and you were played by your own mother. She was STEALING from you. Using your money to fund her own lifestyle in Florida with her new husband. It sucks to say but she on obviously doesnt care much about her relationship with you.

Move to the city. Leave the crib and tell your moms to have a nice life. You did your part and then some. Save urself gas money and stress and walk out the crib and never return. Who cares what ur family has to say? Your mom just played you so who cares what her siblings have to say about you?

Tough situation but if i was you i would have bounced yesterday.
 
20,398
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Joined Jul 18, 2012
IMO, don't get yourself in over your head due to your mom's negligence. Blood is thicker than water, but you can't keep letting your mom play you like this. She's stealing your money on top of it. I'd be pissed beyond belief.

Maybe you moving out is what your mom needs to see to get her **** together and actually be responsible. Sounds harsh..and it's easier for me to say b/c I'm on the outside looking in, but you need to look out for yourself. ESPECIALLY, since your mom clearly isn't. You (and her) can't use the whole single mother thing as a crutch or a reason why she can be irresponsible in her later years.
 

mmg

Banned
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If she keeps dodging you, she knows she's in the wrong and she did you dirty :smh:

How old is your sis and does she have a plan if you dip? I assume your sis did no wrong and you don't wanna do her dirty :nerd:
 
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Joined Apr 15, 2007
Yeah my sister has a bf to hold her down. And she said if i needed a roommate for cheaper rent or anything she would move with me.

But that is what i struggle with the most. I know they say family is forever.....but who says that? Like if this was a friend of mine i would have deaded them right away, hit them with a lawsuit or something to recoup some money. But its the only family member that cared about me for most of my life.

But I am leaning toward walking out. I guess this is the start of life part 2



edit: My sister is on my side i am 25 she is 27. She paid me what she could for bills (Gas and electric, cable, water and mortgage when she could). So technically she lost money too but not as much as i did.

I am ok financially. I have a career and make ok money (62k a year). Just have a lot of college debt. So i can afford a place. But if i don't help she will lose the house. Its a nice townhouse in a good area. But she is obviously irresponsible and would just look the other way while the bank took the house (her credit already is terrible so i don't think that is a concern).

But no house means i don't have a home really....id be a renter until i got my life together. Then try to mend some bridges later down the road so when i have a family of my own they will have grandparents and an actual family on my side instead of just me.
 
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mmg

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Yeah my sister has a bf to hold her down. And she said if i needed a roommate for cheaper rent or anything she would move with me.

But that is what i struggle with the most. I know they say family is forever.....but who says that? Like if this was a friend of mine i would have deaded them right away, hit them with a lawsuit or something to recoup some money. But its the only family member that cared about me for most of my life.

But I am leaning toward walking out. I guess this is the start of life part 2
Listen if you can afford to live on your own, do it, if the bills are going to be the same just leave.

She may be your mother but how much of a pass does that get her.
 
18,572
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So she bounced to Florida and got re-married, stole money from you're account that was intended to pay the mortgage, hmmm.

Looks like she stopped giving a damn about you and the family a while back. Probably spending that money for herself in Florida. Messed up.
 

jhawk826

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Family is not forever. Everyone has an instance in which they can tell you its not. Sometimes people have to be removed from our lives and although its your mother, its looking like you'll have to distance yourself from her. She's clearly done the same with you and your sister in remarrying and then stealing from you. The people that care for you the most also are the ones that can hurt you the most.
 
4,707
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Joined Sep 4, 2006
Go solo. Your mom stole from you so she doesn't think much of you or your situation. She's acting like a child not returning calls. If it's not gonna be a big burden financially on you, I say move out.
 
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Joined Jul 7, 2005
Since your mom is not returning your phone calls you now know you have to prepare to take care of YOURSELF as it's obvious that your mom for whatever reason is not taking care of you in this regard.  Start looking for places to live and as long as the mortgage isn't in your name as well as the utilities then your credit should be the same as it is now.  It unfortunate that your going threw this but now you have to start taking care of you and your sister as best as possible. 
 
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Lol your mom is going to come running back to you... The neediness for the money is going to have her at your front door one day, nd when that comes its gonna be up to you to decide wat to do with her.. till then forget about her, she just another woman. Get your feet on the ground nd let time do its work.. stay safe bro
 
20,031
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Joined Apr 15, 2007
Thanks for the advice guys. Makes me feel like i am actually making the right decision. In my head i keep saying "But its your mom....how can you do that to your mom". But that's just a cop out.

Last month she needed money for the mortgage. I asked what happened to the money i sent you. She said she had a doctors issue and had to use it for that. So i asked what she needed. The mortgage was due that day. I sent her $700. Direct transfer to her account. She texted me the next day saying "Thank you I got the payment in we are good" :smh: :smh: :smh:
 
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So she bounced to Florida and got re-married, stole money from you're account that was intended to pay the mortgage, hmmm.
Looks like she stopped giving a damn about you and the family a while back. Probably spending that money for herself in Florida. Messed up.
This
 

mmg

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Joined Feb 1, 2012
That whole "but it's your mother" **** is overrated.

Worry about you and your sis cause she clearly isn't.
 
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That whole "but it's your mother" **** is overrated.

Worry about you and your sis cause she clearly isn't.


stop you guys :smh:
How was the relationship with your mother the last couple months??
I feel your hesitation. If she cared about you in the past why would she even consider doing this.
Maybe she got into some trouble (with her new husband). Try and talk to her first. Face to face none of that bul****.
 
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